Talk Less, Listen More

“People can’t see it your way until you first see it their way.”

Listening is an essential skill whether you’re at work or at home, whether you’re the CEO or an hourly worker. Yet it’s a skill that many of us either never acquired, or have allowed to lapse. In a conversation, do you find yourself crafting your next statement of brilliant insight rather than listening to what your discussion partner is saying? Or if your discussion partner is saying something with which you strongly disagree, do you try to interrupt without letting him or her finish the thought? When your discussion partner is speaking, do you allow your gaze to drift away from him or her?

Your friends, family, co-workers, customers . . . everyone wants to be heard. And not heard in a superficial way, but genuinely heard and understood. Hearing and understanding someone does not mean you agree with them. It simply means you’re paying attention and allowing them to get their thoughts fully formed and on the table. If you don’t listen closely and you don’t allow them to fully express themselves, then what do you think happens when you speak? They don’t listen. They’re too busy thinking about how they can get your attention and complete the thoughts they believe you didn’t hear.

There’s another reason to hone our listening skills. Despite our brilliance, insightfulness, and superior intellect, people may surprise us with ideas we hadn’t considered or points of view we hadn’t appreciated. Really. It can happen, but you have to begin with an open mind.

So turn off all those other voices in your head, ignore any other distractions, and listen, truly listen and try to understand. Ask questions and test your understanding by paraphrasing what you’ve heard so your discussion partner knows you’re paying close attention. Then and only then will you be heard and understood.

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